Resolving a conflict. Meditation for people in difficult life situations

A woman named Nurzhan Zakirova applied to the Mediation Service center in one of the towns of the Kyrgyz Republic with a request to help in resolving the issue on the apartment she inherited. She was advised to contact a mediator by her friends

At the time of applying to the Mediation Service center opened within the framework of the "Yntymaktuu Zhashoo" Project, Nurzhan Zakirova had been renting housing for five years together with her younger disabled son and grandson, while inheriting an apartment.

Nurzhan's husband lived in an apartment he acquired jointly with his spouse, and later donated to his eldest son. After the death of the eldest son, the apartment was inherited by Nurzhan Zakirova. Due to constant quarrels, conflicts, beatings from her husband, Nurzhan could not stand it and left home once with her son and grandson. Nurzhan did not want to live in thet apartment, as she was afraid of her husband.

After the primary meeting, where the mediator provided her with full information about the stages and procedure of mediation, Nurzhan expressed her final desire to resolve the issue with the help of a mediator. The mediator started working and contacted the second party to the conflict – Turar, Nurzhan's former husband, inviting him to a meeting and informing him about his wife’s appeal to resolve the issue. He was also provided with full information about the mediation procedure. As you know, mediation takes place only with the voluntary participation of two parties, in compliance with the other principles of mediation. After receiving the information, the second party agreed for mediation in resolving the issue.

The mediator received the following information during the conflict investigation: information on the history of the conflict.

Nurzhan Zakirova and her husband Turar lived together for 40 years and had three children. According to Nurzhan, from the first day of their life together, her husband abused her, there were constant quarrels, jealousy, humiliation. While being officially married with Nurzhan, he married different women three times and lived with his new wives in another house. Sometimes, when Turar came home, he would abuse everyone, scolded his children and wife, started quarrels and beat them up. All these constant conflicts greatly affected the mental health of their eldest son, who later passed away. Their daughter, tired of constant quarrels with her father, did not keep in touch with him. The youngest son was married, has one child, later he was found to have a mental disorder.

One day Nurzhan could not stand it anymore and left home with her son who has disability and grandson, together they lived in different rented housing. Nurzhan and her husband have not lived together for more than five years, she filed for divorce, but her husband never came to court, as a result, the court has issued an order on divorce. During the time of living together, the spouses purchased a two-room apartment and a house. The apartment was donated to the eldest son. After the death of her eldest son, Nurzhan received an apartment as a heir. When her husband was invited to the inheritance procedures, he did not come without explaining the reason.

After working with the second party, the mediator also received information. At the primary meeting Turar said that he had lived with Nurzhan for forty years, started drinking because of unemployment, which is why he abused all family members, which in turn turned into a bad habit. He also noted that he did not know about the inheritance of the apartment to his wife and about the divorce in court, noted that, being married, he married several more times and divorced only five years ago.

Joint meetings were held with the help of a mediator without conflict and emotional tension. During the mediation work, the parties came to a resolution of this conflict, forgave each other and came to a joint solution satisfying the two parties, concluding a mediation agreement that Turar would vacate the apartment for the ex-wife and their son who has disability, and their grandchild within 10 days. Turar will live in another house. All the property in the apartment will remain there, he will take away only the construction materials purchased for the household buildings and will no longer bother Nurzhan. Nurzhan, in turn, will not mind that Turar took away construction materials.

Having lived in rented apartments for the last five years with her son who has disability and a small grandson, Nurzhan was glad to resolve the conflict issue through the Mediation Service center opened within the framework of the Yntymaktuu Zhashoo (Living in Peace) project.